Letters of Nothing To Anybody

I've moved to a country that made me want to wear LIPSTICK.

Not a bad thing, but...now I even OWN and use a £22 foundation. Me. The queen of either no make-up or the absolute wake-up crack baby look.

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I blame vodka. That lovely wishes-it-was-water fluid that's keeping me up. The old I DON'T DRINK IF I HAVE TO WORK THE NEXT DAY me has gone and fled the cunt-ry. Hi guys, I'll be fucked tomorrow afternoon.

And then go home and get fucked. Up.

How hipster is that? I am half hipster...half...clone. Not clone enough to listen to %99 of the new music that's out now. But then why do I have to listen to new shit. New shit is so old. I'd rather dwell on old Youtube vids and the shopping channel. Even tho those fuckers feel the need to shout over nothing.
| posted by Whatsername again....? @ 12/17/2009 02:55:00 a.m. | | |

Where am I now? Getting absolutely hammered without a soul in sight.

I prefer it sometimes, alarmingly. Not a soul in sight to embarass, not a soul in sight to tell you to keep it down. I just want to make silent noise to a Foals song that I can't get out of my head.

I keep mistaking things here for things back home... the 358 bus to Aurora, for one. The autumnal weather wakes up this thoughtful beast inside me that only feels comfortable in the pre-wintery light. The golden stuff that take a while to ooze away even on the coldest day. Inspires me to...

Inspires me to be greedy and feel for home, but I worry about mates with cancer and mates who have suffered the greatest of losses. I worry about work, and the cold. I worry about life and it's addictions and then stay up drinking but end up trying not to wake up the most important person in my life.

I've kicked worse habits.

Suddenly I am in the grown-up world with all this real life drama. It's not tabloid drama, thank fuck. Some of it is lonely wanker drama, some of it is homesick. I never want to go to another funeral for someone who is younger than I am. I did not cry, but my heart broke for my friend. I wore a suit and big scary black heels. I remember when she and I and her boyfriend (now deceased) were at the pub. I worried a lot about what I would wear to the funeral for no bloody reason. I'm really thankful I got to meet him that one time. He was chatty and brilliant. I hope she will be okay, she is back at work now.

I don't want children. My soon to be mother-in-law who is (only) 4 years older than I am has a baby and he is lovely. I aim to spoil, not to have one of my own. I still want a kitten very badly, though. I'd really, truly, honestly rather change a litter box.

I worry.

I worry about stupid shit. Work, which is trivial in the scheme of things. I worry about those who I work with. I miss the mates who went to uni and aren't around much anymore. I'm so much older than a lot of them, which worries me as well. I hate the self-entitled, judgemental arseholes here. It's like nothing I've experienced anywhere. Thank fuck I don't live in LA. People would drive me to extinction.

Glasgow. God damn it. A music scene like Seattle, I'm convinced. London might be big, but it's not bad.

I miss a lot of things.

The new Shiny Toy Guns is complete shite and I'm VERY disappointed. They had it good before the new singer.

I'm tired of Brit fashion. I want Old Navy. I want a new tattoo. I want my mates. I want my hubby. I want a lot of things.

Think I'll fix my camera first.

And get another drink!!!!!! xx
| posted by Whatsername again....? @ 11/04/2009 03:35:00 a.m. | | |

Been awhile, yeah. Like it better when noone's lookin over my shoulder. Or is within 10 feet of my shoulder.

Back in the good ol days I used to boot peeps out the house so I could spend some alone time with my blog. Now the blog is just hanging out in its nightie on the laz-e-boy waiting for me to come home.

At the mo I'm drowning out the homesickness with a hangover. Think I can knock a couple more tins back before it becomes defcon 4 hangover alert or whatever. I'm off work for a bit anyway thank cripes on a bicycle. Aloha Tuesday some-time-during-the-day.

Lots of song with clapping playing on my Death cab stream on Last.FM - makes it difficult to NOT clap along in a weak attempt at rhythm.

Yanno, beer is fun, but I'd be fucked if I had cracked open the vodka tonight. Sleep is sometimes far more welcome than just sitting and stewing in it.

That's what imma doin.

PS Scribs. Miss you. Got ur email. Take care, I'll speak to ya when it's possible.
| posted by Whatsername again....? @ 8/10/2009 03:29:00 a.m. | | |