I WENT SWIMMING IN THE POND TODAY.
I must have done something awful in one of my past 9 lives. Or yesterday. To Fred. Because he's old.
Or else the filthy stinking human is an asshole.
posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/30/2006 10:14:00 pm |
Trakeen: ohhh reefer
Trakeen: thanks for the reminder
myself: my dad offered me some today
Trakeen: forgot i had some
Trakeen: mail it to me
myself: yeah right
Trakeen: i found a fucking roach the size of my pinky a few days ago
Trakeen: 2 of em actually
myself: a roch the size of your pinky? thats practically a whole jay
myself: yeah well i dont smoke so
Trakeen: bought a fucking bubbler a couple of months ago
Trakeen: lol i know
Trakeen: but we had so much to drink and smoke that night that these were put out about 5 minutes after they were lit up
Trakeen: and they were huge to begin with
myself: my mum was getting crunked one day while i was still staying at her house
myself: i was on the computer all of a sudden i was like I KNOW THAT SMELL
myself: i love the word crunked. im stealin it from the gangstas
Trakeen: *sniff* *sniff* *sniff* wtf is that coming from?
Trakeen: i think it's a little out dated
Trakeen: but ok
myself: good then ill be one of the few who use it
myself: and its also funny to use when i tell people what mum was doing
myself: My mum was getting crunked
myself: AWESOME SAUCE
Trakeen: awesome sauce....
Trakeen: i need to see if i can find a chick to say, "i want your awesome sauce"
myself: THATS Not what it means
Trakeen: they already want my awesome cheese dip, but that's food
myself: do not corrupt the awesome sauce with your man juice!!
FIVE MINUTES LATER...
Trakeen: it's putting this shit on your blog?
myself: hahaa no
Trakeen: that's fucked
Trakeen: umm yes
myself: i posted that
myself: dumbass haha | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/30/2006 03:41:00 am | | |
I mean cart us around like I was some kinda chauffeur.
Fortunately I was mostly by myself when I decided my car could fly, well, it decided it could fly.
Before I go into this, though, earlier that day I had been driving with a girlfriend of mine and on our way back from Fredonia or something
I was a mess, but it was worse because we had all three of her sisters in the back seat and it was WORSE because BABY turkeys ran across the road after I killed mommy. There was a fuss, like a henouse full of chickens all clucking at once, I put the turkey in the backest part of the car because saving the corpse seemed like a good idea at the time and then my friend drove us partway because I was freaked. That didn't work so well cos she didn't have her glasses so I had to drive again, but it was all okay.
Later that day...
There was a bunch of us getting ready to go somewhere I don't really recall, but there were three cars and I had to follow two other vehicles down a road to someone else's house that I had never been to before.
And we rode.
I managed to keep up with the freakin Camaro and some white like jetta or something that was faster than me until they got to the main 4 lane road and crossed before I did. I had to stop and wait for a bunch traffic to pass and then I had no clue where I was to go.
Now, I lost sight of the others because of some railroad tracks. I don't think it's called a tressel, as I think that's a bridge, this was more like a sudden almost 45 degree angle with tracks on top.
I looked both ways, and gunned it across the street, not really realising how fast I was going, which, in actuality wasn't THAT fast, but I stamped the gas hard enough so that when I got to the top of the tracks I launched the car off of the tracks and caught a good few feet of air and flew and landed and the glass gate window in the back popped open and I knocked alll the dust out of the air conditioner and the dead turkey got a good jostling.
I drove a little way, having no clue where I was, and pulled over, popped the hood to see if anything was on fire/exploded/out of place like I knew something, which I didn't and worried about the dust, then wondered where the fuck my friends were. I drove down the street a little way and then turned around and went back towards the tracks.
My friends were at a house RIGHT NEXT to the tracks. Figures.
I pulled in and they were all like, 'DUDE was that YOU who just flew past?' as they had all just seen the white streak slam by and zoom off down the street.
Indeed it was. And that shit still makes me fuckin laugh my ass off, and I didn't even break the car. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/28/2006 05:07:00 pm | | |
Anyway, I saw my friend's mum at the store where she's worked for ever and chased her down and made her stop working for a couple of minutes and then I tottered around the store because I was kinda freaked out that I drove and I was excited and stuff and I forgot my sleepytime tea so now I have to go back. Oh no. Whatever will I do. Shucks.
I forgot how lovely the countryside is this time of year, so I stopped to take some photos of the railroad tracks this girl I used to hang out with (in fact she's mentioned in the post entitled 'my english is superb' as well) ramped her car off of and we sped into the corn feild because right after the tracks is a curve. Man, that was awesome. She totally freaked the fuck out too. (Kaotix...that was on the road that leads up to your old pad, near Kent Switch...member?!)
Anyway, I got me some Fritos and some Dr pepper and some food for Fred and came back and checked my sitemeter because I like to see what's goin on in the world of my blog. I check more for who came from where (what blog/what country) rather than how many hits I've gotten in a day and I decided that I would share with everyone my exciting list of hits from around the world, in order from most to least. (This is seriously so freaking exciting for me.)
- United States
- United Kingdom
- Hong Kong
- United Arab Emirates
- Puerto Rico
My blog is exotic!
Oh yeah, and Gephyro (my littlest brother, also mentioned in 'my english is superb'), your car is out of gas. And the fabric ceiling interior stuff is falling in and I am scared I am going to meet something big black and hairy with eight legs that's as big as your hand because it lives in your volvo. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/27/2006 06:57:00 pm | | |
people are so fucking retarded that it's hard to even be online with some of them and i feel like i won't be able to get away from them without a little bit of mental retardation rubbing off on me.
i saw the cutest little orange cat i ever done seen ever just a little bit ago and it meaowed at me and wanted to play and fred yowled at him so i only played with it for a little bit and then i went inside and listened to it complain outside and i made myself ignore it cos fred is my main dude right now and he needed to be fed old man cat food anyway. tomorrow i'm lookin for it again, though. even though i bet it wandered back home.
i am completely addicted to fritos...i think they fry them in crack.
i saw a bunny. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/27/2006 05:14:00 am | | |
You know the guys who edited the show did that on purpose.
I have almost successfully filled up the new 1 gig memory card I just bought (I mean Mum helped me buy) and I think there are about 150 pictures left and I almost hope it keeps raining until a few days before I leave so I will have room to take more pictures at Mum's house. You know, cat, inanimate objects, people making weird faces, class stuff like that.
Lately I've been obsessed with seeing how close up I can get to an object and still have the shot come out in focus, and god damn the camera Whatshisname bought me for christmas kicks ASS. And I have just discovered the dorky little frames I can add onto photos and have started taking pictures of the cats with fuckin faerie wings and big pink hearts around their fuzzy heads while they glare menacingly and that is fun.
So I think once I finally get to upload and edit all these things, I will have very close to 2000 shots to edit and shit. Okay, maybe 1693 if I have done my math correctly, which I probably did not because maths is my lifelong blood enemy and we will forever have a deep burning hatred for each other that noone will ever be able to match. 1600 is close to 2000.
Tomorrow I might take my dad's van and illegally drive to the scary super market in the scary town and buy Fritos because I am almost out because I could not resist the call of this one unopened bag I had left and they are almost gone.
I have a healthy obsession/slight problem with Fritos, Nightcrawler from Xmen, Frasier and most cop shows.
See, I might illegally drive because the last time I ever EVER saaw a cop out here was like 10 or 11 years ago when someone (some bitch, actually) called the sheriff and broke up my brothers house party. Albeit good that someone did break it up cos one retard got alcohol poisoning, and there's a big long story about that, actually.
So, I was living in this shitty little shoebox in Falconer, NY above a shitty hardware store who's owner sent a spy up to monitor our behavior (we could see him out in the hallway lurking outside our door). I was living with prego turbo bitch and her fat blockhead of a boyfriend. She had a friend in the volunteer fire department out in Leon and we hung out with him constantly, and we were okay friends and stuff and stuff.
One day we were all chillin, I think it was at someone else's shitty apartment right near us and I was drinkin'...some off brand of non-kool-aid like Flavor-aid or something that was 1000 for a dollar and it was blue and mixed with cheap ass vodka in a mixing bowl and I was havin at it right good. Right out of the bowl (it had an easy pour spout).
He's all like, "Dude someone OD'd at your house" and recites the addressto me and I was like "OH FUCK!" thinking that one of my brothers (my younger borther actually) like, killed himself or tried to or something like that. We were all like, "Oh shit!" and hopped in his truck and slammed on the blue light. EVERYONE pulled over for our asses as we sped out to my folk's house, while I was drunk and gabbering about "why the fuck would my brother do this? What the hell happened?" and also about "HAHA YEAH PULL OVER BIATCHES!! YEEEE-HAAAAAW!" and we speed through the night and arrive at my house in record time.
We were both quite shocked to find a LOT of cars parked in the driveways and on the side of the road and a sheriff's car. Nowhere to be seen is my brother and there were still a few kids mingling around and there were bongs and bottles EVERYwhere. (Mum was finding bongs for a week or so after that...she was like "MINE!!" and I am fairly certain she got crunked.)
Nowhere to be seen is a certain brother of mine. Either, actually. It turned out my younger brother was fine, he was with this lady who had a son he was friends with and was spending the night there and she was bringing him home and saw the par-tay goin on and she narced em out. Good, because like I mentioned someone had gotten a wee bit too drunk and had to go to the ER or something. Most of the other retarded little fuckers who were all little pissants I hated in school had scattered off through the darkness into the fields and the woods and stuff, my brother being among those foolios.
So I was drunk, talking to the sheriff and wondering where the goddamn hell my brother was. I was gonna rip em a new one cos some asshole kids had ravaged my folks room and stole a bunch of crap. My friend and I look around for him and we found his dumb ass curled up 15 sheets to the wind in a DITCH in his SOCKS and no jacket. This was in like January, mind you.
That's absolutely hysterical to me, yet I wanted to shake the living hell out of him at the same time.
So we drag him to jail where he was released to me ad I dragged him back to the shitty apartment in Falconer after a long ass drive to Little Valley where the jail and the sheriff's office is and he woke up to a rip-roarin' hangover the next day.
Anticlimactic ending...I just like the drive out and finding him in a ditch. I mean, how often do you find someone in a ditch ALIVE? Also, the bowl of fake-aid and 5 dollar a bottle vodka.
I JUST SAW A BLACK AND WHITE BUNNY IN THE YARD! | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/26/2006 06:58:00 pm | | |
I don't really have rage issues. I just can't help that little tiny things get under my skin sometimes and irritate me to the point that I need to get out of the room or I will do something rash and stupid and I am not a teenager anymore, I can be arrested.
So now I will go the fuck outside and scream at some trees.
AN HOUR AND A HALF LATER:
Due to the recent hormonal squall, I grabbed my camera, and abandoned ship and I went and petted some horses. After I stood at the fenceline for about an hour trying to garner some attention, since I really have no idea how to speak to horses, especially ones that only understand Pennsyvania Dutch, I stood there and said HEEEEEERRRE HORSIES! *tsk tsk* WHATCHA DOIN HORSIES AAAAW COME ON PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEE! HelllloooOOOOOOO *little kid hip sway dance* I WANT TO PEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTT YOOOOOOOOUUU. I AM THE HORSIE WHISPERERERERERIE!!!!!! *horse neigh noise I learned in kindergarten* MY LITTLE PONY MY LITTLE PONY WEEEEEEEE
That doesn't work.
So I stood there and blabbered and took some photos and then they all finally decided as a herd that I was interesting and mobbed over.
Some interesting points of my visit with my equine comrades were:
- Watching mommy horse fart directly in baby horse's face, as it was unfortunately right by her bootyhole.
- The Clydesdale that stood staring at me and then decided to drop a boner. Exactly what I needed to see to may my day complete.
- Being downwind of half a dozen farting machines. DAYUM.
- Next time I think I will bring them some of the apples that my dad doesn't eat because it is nice to spoil other people's work animals.
I couldn't find the video of the Vomelette that I wanted to post, so we must all do without. I am way more disappointed than anyone. 'Cept maybe Natalie.
Also, I just jumped because I thought a piece of grass on the floor was a monster spider and I spook like a horse (hah) when it sees a mouse or whatever the hell it is that spooks them besides say, baby dragons or the ghost of Anne Boleyn or something.
Also, I am a big pussy. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/25/2006 08:03:00 pm | | |
MY GLOB IS PRETTY!!!
This is where I got the template, Gecko & Fly. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/24/2006 11:12:00 pm | | |
I watch too much TV...it's awesome.
Not too long before that, I dreamt that I was friends with Jessica Simpson and we were camping on a beach, in this cave, and I told her honestly as a friend that she looked way better without the botox, and her lips unswelled and she was like OH MY GOD YOU'RE RIGHT! And all was well in the world.
I was neither drunk nor high either of those times, unless birthday cake equals a booze or a narcotic. Which I don't think that is true. But frosting sends me into a coma like nothing else.
Holy crap..I'm super bloated. I think a beach is calling me somewhere. I need to go wash up on it.
And then last night I dreamt that I was in a men's prison and I got in there by hot air balloon and three of the convicts were helping me to get out, and we were out in the 'yard' and only just a round a corner cos I stuck out like a sore thumb as I was the only white person there. (I think that came from watching Timmy and Jimmy join the Crips on South Park last night.) So we were trying to fix the hot air balloon and the one guy who was supposed to be lookout wan't playing lookout and we were gettin kinda freaked out, so what the main hero guy did was smuggle me out of the emergency exit that we were hiding right next to (hah) and we somehow mingled in a hallway full of wardens and cleanshirt types that looked like school teachers and made out way to the gymnasium cos the alarm from the E-exit was going off and we all went in there and we professed our love for each other and I said I would wait for him (wtf) and then I made my way out of the prison that looked more like an elementary school and I went out and waited for the bus, except I almost got run
over by some dude on a skateboard who sneered at me as he buzzed by and then I had to wait for like 50 million taxi cabs to pass and then a bunch of other traffic so I could cross the street, which looked really familiar I just can't place where it was, maybe Tacoma, but anyway so I ran across and at the bus stop was a guy and his little boy and there were a couple of dogs, one of which fell in love with my leg and immediately began humping it like crazy.
Then there was a part where I was wandering along this new beachline and I had a kitten in my hand, it was grey and white tigery, and I climbed up some rock with my kitty, who was being oddly calm, as we were on an active volcano. So I was thinking to myself about the new beachline which was all brownish rocks and kinda steep and we got a little way around a corner and there was the red hot liquid rock pouring into the sea and I turned around and went back the way I came and kitten and I got back to where we came up and there was MORE lava flowing and so I sat down and thought for a second, with my feet dangling over the side of the wee ledge and I could really feel the heat in my dream, so in my dream I got up and I took kitten into this like, navy ship type place with ladders and it was metal and I was kinda scared because something might happen to me and the kitten and we went inside this place and sat down huddled in a corner and imagined lava melting through the metal overhead and I had to wake myself up for real cos I got really scared.
Then I had another part of my dream, and I forget what order all this was in, but I was at my apartment and Kaotix and Eltorito and Ciavarro and Whatshisname were there and I think someone else and I remember Eltorito getting up to answer the door cos someone knocked or something and I moved my foot and he fucking fell and hit his face on the door and it looked like I killed him and I was afraid I had, but he was okay and then Kaotix came in and was making remarks about all the boys in my apartment and being silly and we all left to go somewhere and I didn't have my keys and I was worried about that but I think Ciavarro had my keys and I think this is the part where I somehow got into that prison which was totally odd. It was Wizard of Oz-zy, like how the Wiz got stuck in Oz because his hot air balloon broke and then left in one. I dunno it's been a while since I've seen that.
I think it was all that birthday cake I ate. Birthday birthday birthday cake. It's almost gone, though.
That Sheraton commercial with that one song from the 80's or whatever just made me cry. GREAT. I hope hurricane hormonal rage isn't about to hit again. I better go batten down some hatches or something. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/24/2006 05:46:00 pm | | |
I hope it's nice tomorrow so I can sneak around the pond and catch the snakes sunning themselves. There's one out there that's pretty huge, almost the girth of my wrist. And I want to see if I can catch a grasshopper. And a baby toad. And an inchworm.
I slept until 7pm.
I crawled into bed around 1am with birthday cake and wine on my breath, it was a good long nap, but I think I will be going back to bed again fairly soon. (As soon as this Law & Order marathon is over.)
A little while ago, I drank some of this all natural detox crap cos I still feel gross and that shit was seriously some of the nastiest shit I have ever seen in a glass. It was this murky greyish shit that kinda congealed cos I didn't drink it all in one shot and so I added more water to it and it was just as thick and nasty. Also, the apple cinnamon flavour it promised...LIES UPON LIES upon stinking filthy LIIIIIIIIIIES. I think it was really powdered stale ass with some grey shit mixed in.
I do feel better, though.
How did 2330 turn into 0139? Oh I know...it took that long to upload that fucking photo.
I LOVE YOU DIAL UP!
Sixteen Candles is on. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/22/2006 05:08:00 am | | |
Now, I didn't get a bunch of stuff or get super wasted and puke on someone's lawn. In fact, it's almost like I didn't have one because it's been quiet.
Not that I'm complaining.
But today, the aftermath of my twenty-eighthedness...the height of fucking hilarity. Oh it ensues, it ensues.
I was asked what I wanted to eat today, even though legally it's the day AFTER the beeg day, we are havin the celebratory din-din, so we had the BBQ chicken and the main thing, a freakin cake. Haven't had a cake with my name on it in WAY too long.
We crack open a bottle of Yellow Tail.
Then comes the cake.
Now, let me clear something up before we go on into this story. My dad, though he makes funny sounds cos he's old, is a man with manners. His new woman, a sweet lady who also has manners. They are also incredibly down to earth and have a sense of humour.
Time comes for me to cut le cake. Oh how it cuts.
We dig out a nice sharp knife, and I measure the first piece and lo...what is that I hear? The release of gasses from someone's backdoor region. And it wasn't my father. Okay, we can handle this. Keep cutting. The sound doesn't stop. It's like there's a frog in the middle of my birthday cake.
At this point we are all cracking up. I poke the cake with the knife and cut a little more, and as if ON CUE, the rectal creak lets forth it's cry.
The three of us are nearly crying with laughter at this point and funnily enough, as we crack about frogs and stuff like that as I cut another piece, someone on TV rips one and we all grab our full-of-chikky-goodness tums and laugh and laugh and exclaim the strain on our bellies.
I think that's the hardest those two have laughed in a long time, and even though I didn't bring on that bout of butt, it was probably one of the most awesome things I've seen. I haven't seen my dad laugh that hard, like, EVER. The timing of it all was more than impeccable.
Thank you, everyone for the birthday wishes, in english, russian, Klingon and portugese.
Kick ass, seabass. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/21/2006 01:52:00 am | | |
I have 34 minutes left (EST).
I want to hear (see) the birthday song in Klingon.
That is my birthday wish.
Make it so. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/20/2006 04:27:00 am | | |
Cue the partay…
posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/19/2006 06:52:00 am |
Now. *Vogue vogue vogue vogue.*
I’m ready to Tanqueray my ass on outta here. (Sounds more like a dance than a booze)
So, I was just standing here a minute ago and I glanced at the floor cos something moved rather quickly under the chair from one side to the other and in my overactive little head it went from being a mouse to a spider until I realized that it was really in actuality in the real world a little tiny moth. I was totally freaked out and poised to go running for a phone book to chunk on it for a good few seconds.
If I was a bird, I sure as hell woulda stayed away from that little shit.
Tomorrow I get a birthday ride on the lawn tractor and mow a bunch of grass, then I get to get on my birthday knees and scrub the birthday floor cos I’ve been doing a half arsed jeeeeeoooorrrrb cleaning up after Fred as he’s been tracking around red Fred juice from his poor little foot. Then after that I am gonna sit on my ass and do nuffin. Hell yes.
I am hoping there is cake in my near future, though. Mmmm…
ride the busblog.
Today I walked around with blueberry yoghurt globbed down the front of my freshly warshed hoodie. All day. I also found it in the end of my ponytail and I don't wanna know how the hell I managed that.
So last night I was innocently sleeping and was summoned back to the land of the living by the Bink who was determinedly trying to dig her way through the door.
I stumble out of bed on the opposite side that I usually get out of because Fred managed to hog 2/3rds of the twin bed. My eyes were mostly closed, it was the almost the buttcrack of dawn, so no new light to speak of yet. I was walkin blind.
I get all of 3 feet and step on a cd suitcase thingy that I had put on the floor to get out of the way of my luggage. Not only did I step on it. With both feet.
I fell on it.
There arose such a clatter that I ran to the shutter to see what was a matter.
Not really, but I did scare the hell out of the cat and wake up my dad's woman who thought I was like, a bear bungee jumping onto the front porch or something.
Also, I made it through a trip out to run errands and get my visa photo taken. I cried like a bitch but I did it!
MEMEMEMEMEMEME!!! *jazz hands* | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/16/2006 11:15:00 pm | | |
It's time for that awesome Dave again. Late as usual, though. Dave's been super busy and he needs to schedule some ME time. mememememememememememe. His number one fan. Not stalker. Fan. The only similarity there is an "a."
Okay so I have to go get a passport picture tomorrow for my visa and that's fuckin awesome but I hate mr anxiety that comes along when I think of being in a car and having to go someplace mostly unfamiliar to me and I feel al sick-stomachey and poopy and stuff but that's not going to stop me OF course because once I get my app filed tomorrow after my dad drags my ass all over god damn Chautauqua county and to a chiropractor's appointment which is going to be boring because doctor waiting rooms are always D-U-L-L. So hopefully we won't be gone all god damn day because I wanna file this and get it in and get out of an upcoming trip to Ohio. I don't wanna go to Ohio. At all. Newp. Thanks. I want to stay here in case the British consulate calls. Because the sooner they get my stuff, the sooner I get out of here and the sooner I get out of here the less cranky I become. And then I won't have to go to freakin Ohio.
I'm losing steam already I had a mile long post and now it's gone and I hope it's the eye of hurricane hormone cos it was FUN.
That bitch hit me harder than Katrina hit New Orluns too and I was in Mezilla mode ready to smash Tokyo and eat sashimi and drink Kirin and take out a few skyscrapers with one swish of my awesome tail and then I would stop in the middle of the city and ket out a raucous ear splitting monster yell and shake all the glass out of windows in the next hemisphere and stomp my feet and tsunami Alaska and throw myself on the ground and pitch a huge Shezilla fit.
And I hate exclamation points...blah blah. I think someone shot me with a tranquiliser gun cos I was feisty a minute ago and now I wanna curl up on the sofa and sleep and cry at hallmark commercials. And tear the throats out of those who cross me and then I will rip out their arms and beat them with tier own detached limbs and play the bongo bonita on their soft spots and grraaaawwwrr. Then I will tear out the "1" keys on EVERYone's keyboards and eatthem and fucking shit them out right where they belong.
I am going outside to yell because out here the neighbours dont get annoyed when you yell.
The only downside is that noone can hear you scream.
Cept the Amish, and they'll shoot ya. WITH A BIG SHOOTY GUN.
Bye now. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/15/2006 11:31:00 pm | | |
Then after that, I grilled some MEAT which I am bad at because the MEAT burgers fell apart and a bunch fell onto the hot coals, but that's okay cos what was left was mighty tasty and that's all that matters. I'm gonna learn how to grill real good so I can cook outside when I get back home. MMHMMM.
I sent Mum a bunch of cards that I drew on MS paint today, but she isn't home so I can tell her in real life person Happy Mother's Day hope you like the cards especially the recreation of the drawing I did a long ass time ago when we had the old 40's fridge and it was painted sky blue with clouds on it cos it was apparently ugly before. That fridge was cool. I remember one time when I was like 8 I pulled yoghurt out of there and it was SOOO MOLDY it was like a purple swirl of DONT EAT THAT and for some reason that image in ingrained in my head.
Then there was time we were in the kitchen and it was summer out and we were bringing stuff in from eating outside and there was a paper towel roll on the counter and all of a sudden out the top this huge black spider came crawling out and Mum freaked the hell out and my dad had to squish it, and he did and he flushed it, so he said, but he really didn't, he left it floating in the toilet and I was the next person who used it after that and it's really hard to go to the bathroom when there is a big black smooshed creature in the bowl. I wasn't as scared of spiders then as I am now, so I had the brass buttons to flush it myself, but nowadays I have to get someone to rid the world of the beast for me.
Whatshisname doesn't like to kill stuff like that, he's my brave spider saver who catches em in a glass and takes them outside where I can't throw a phone book on top of them. He's my knight in shining armour and I think that it's sweet he lets the bugs live. He told me not to look the last time his dad caught a spider at his, that it was big, and then his dad rushed it outside and that was it.
I can watch shows about spiders all day, though. But this isn't about me, it's about Mum. We watched a show about spiders together one time and they showed this huge one that lives in the Amazon and eats small mammals and well, we were both pretty freaked out about that, but I guess it's no different than having a cat with 8 legs instead of 4 cos it eats pretty much the same thing except for Friskies.
Then like not long after that, cos she was visiting me in Bremerton, we were hanging out in the living room of the box the ex-bastard and I used to live in and out from under the sofa runs this big fat brown bastard of a spider and Mum leapt to the top of the couch and squealed and someone squooshed it into the carpet, but I don't remember who, but that thing was a fat little bastard.
Then there was the time, in March, actually when I had just gotten to NY and we were at the ShurFine and I had been drinking the night before and I took a vitamin and I passed wind (to put it mildly) and we were both like goddamn who died in your ass then I almost had an accident and I had to rush to the restroom at the store and I came out and Mum asked me real loud DIDJA SHIT YOUR PANTS? And I was mortified but it was fucking hysterical at the same time because I bet NOONE else's Mum has ever asked them that and really meant that you actually for real pooped in your pants instead of that 'I almost shit my pants' that people say when they are scared or shocked or something.
And then whenever I lean over and whisper to her that I have to use the loo, and we are around other people, she will announce to them that I am, in fact, going to the loo, cos noone around here calls it the loo and therefore it must be announced to the world that I need to have a BM or take a piss or something.
I am comfortable enough to talk to my Mum about bodily functions, and that is fucking rad. We get graphic too, and there is only one other person that I torture in depth about stuff like that, and that's Kaotix and he loves it and we laugh and laugh about poo and pee and then we eat. I try to have a little class around Whatshisname cos in reality I probably don't poop it's all a figment of my ass's imagination. I'm still mighty lowbrow, though.
There's a lot more I could say about Mum, but really, this is the shit I love cos it makes me laugh and I don't feel like sharing anything else. She mine, biatches!
Happy Mother's Day to ALL the moms though. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/14/2006 11:14:00 pm | | |
I say sprint because that's what I do when I go from the computer cahir to the cupboards. It's a straight shot into the other room, so why not go as fast as I can? I don't do anything else all goddamn day so my little 15 foot runs do me good. Gets that heart rate up so I can come back and eat a cookie and drink a sody and break my neck looking at the TV. I'm watching Eddie Izzard so in your face.
I will be staying up late again tonight in order to catch more Young Ones to see if they are indeed a staple of late night BBC America, and if they are then I will be sleeping until 1500 everyday until I leave.
Today my best girlfriend (Space!) from high school who I still talk to because she isn't a big retard like the rest of the hillbilly redneck people we attended the facility of learning with. She's not even slightly retarded. And we sat on my front porch and had a beer and a SMOKED A CIG because I can and it's been like ages and I don't have to justify it to anyone people smoke cigs every day I just had one cos it's one of those for old time's sake and if it woulda been a for old time's sake hit of acid I wouldn't have done it. That's where I draw the line, I mean, I'd rather smell funny for a little while than think i am a glass of orange juice and blahblah whatthefuckever.
I'm making a LiveJournal for fun so if anyone from Journalspace happens to head that way, when I figure out what the hell my handle is gonna be cos it can't be Whatsername cos it's popular cos of that Green Day song, which honestly is what inspired my JS handle and my display name here but it's cos it kinda fell in with why I started blogging inthe first place and while it doesn't hafta do much with anything right now cos I don't even listen to Green Day that much anymore but the name kinda stuck with me cos I like it and it's cute with Whatshisname but it's uber popular with all the little fangirls and so I can't get it on popular sites. So yeah.
Footballers Wive$ is on tomorrow! Sweet trashy goodness. Plus there's butts. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/14/2006 02:37:00 am | | |
And by almost I mean at the mercy of the internet.
Damn you internet and your tendency to break when someone REALLY NEEDS TO USE IT!!!
And damn you for needing electricity and having the power go out so I can't use you for hours an leaving me to take a nap pinned under a cat when I could be surfing.
Damn you all to hell.
So yeah, the mailman heard I was gonna get all hillbilly on his ass if he didn't bring me my packet today so he brought it. Which is freakin sweet. But I was lookin forward to waitin out on the mailbox with a shotgun barefoot with overalls and pigtails and big ol jug of moonshine and a dog named Blue and a big ol chaw of tobbacky that I would spit on the hood of his mail car when he pulled up. Then I would adopt a cracker ass hee-haw hillbilly redneck accent extra special just for the occasion and ask him whaaaah he done took so durned laawng with mah mail. Then I'd take a huge swig of moonshine and play the spoons on my knee while Dueling Banjos played in the background magically.
My Hillbilly Name Is...
Then the Hatfields and the McCoys would feud for awhile and Jethro would sleep with his first cousin Clementine and old dog Blue would chase the mailman away and I would get my mail and we'd all be happy.
Then the power would go out for no reason other than it was raining and I would have a hissy fit cos those help and then take a nap then get up 5 minutes later because someone used the microwave and that was a clear sign for me to get back on the internet and find out the website I need is fucking with me. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/12/2006 02:22:00 am | | |
Ah, the good old days.
Like the time a bunch of us went to Vancouver and on the way Eltorito was drinking beer with Greezly and he went to the toilet on the train, and on the way back smooshed his junk on the sliding glass door between the cars and our friend got it on video tape. Or the time we went to the Sit and Spin (when it was still open) after our friend's orchestra concert thingummy (Where they played the Beef...it's what's for dinner song, only you know, all strings and brass and woodwinds and stuff and Eltorito and I fucking laughed so hard through that entire piece because he leaned over and whispers 'Beef, it's what's for dinner' to me and it was SO difficult to stifle that laughter than it woulda been to put out the Great San Fransisco fire we were cracking up so hard.) and we got really wasted and when we left, there were nuts a flyin everywhere as we stumbled down the sidewalk, thanks to the mighty Eltorito. And then there was the time he pissed on the streetlamp on the corner of Aurora and 85th while I went into the gas station for more beer with a plastic chair I stole from a place on Greenwood because it wasn't bolted down on our way back from a session of Wednesday dodge ball in the park and then a cool down sesh of brewskis at some pretentious pub across the way.
Nothing but fun with that guy. I wish I could post all the guitaring he did when we hung out. Freakin awesome. Wish I had known what the hell a blog was 3 years ago.
And I am also reeling from the fact that we never ever got arrested for all the little crap we did.
Yesterday I accidentally watered Fred cos he was sleeping in the poppies with Dorothy and Toto and the Cowardly Lion.
I missed Footballers Wive$ last Sunday. I know what happened, I don't even need to watch it beyond the advertisments, but I am reduced to trash TV when Law&Order isn't on, and this is as trashy as it gets. Watching posh skanks pull hair is a great pastime. BITCH! YOU GOT MORE EXTENSIONS THAT AT&T!! GIRL, HOLD MY HAIR. (only in an english accent) Plus there's butts.
The roof is on fire.
I'm awesome. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/10/2006 05:51:00 pm | | |
Fritos are addictive and someone needs to take this bag outta my greasy salty hand right now before I eat myself into a salt-induced coma or go into shock or something. DAMN YOU, CORN CHIPS FOR BEING SO DELICIOUS!!! Yet, I love you...I cannot put you down, I cannot close that crinkly yellow-orange bag. Salty crispy goodness. HOW DO I LOVE THEE...let me add cheese and salsa and get fat with thee...
I am fucking BORED right now BORED BORED BORED BORED. Noone is on MSN, at least none that wants to talk to me. I think the corn chip smell is frightening people away. I am drunk on corn oilyness and I am getting the shakes, so who can blame 'em?
At least Law&Order loves me! Law&Order also won't kiss up to me about how awesome I am (I know already, I don't need to be told) and Law&Order will love me and hold me and keep me awake until 3am again and I get hungry for Fritos again and stuff my face right before I go to bed and have weird dreams and wake up REALLY thirsty and the Sahara desert is in the back of my throat and I have to crawl face first down the stairs to the kitchen to get a drink.
Just what I wanted to do first thing in the afternoon. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/10/2006 01:43:00 am | | |
In fact, my best girlfriend from highschool (someone I actually speak to and don't hate the guts of) is going to be in town (boondocks) this week and that is way cool. We're gonna talk mad shit about everyone we went to school with and about how much they suck and then we're going to eat a lot of junk food and there is the possibility of getting sauced, but we'll see. She's not here to see me. She got's shits ta do too. And it's basically just coincidence that I happen to be in the same state as her for the first time in like, 3 years since she got married. And it's been a while since I've had a beer (don't look so stunned) and I am almost afraid to go and ruin my dry streak already cos it's soooooo nice waking up and not wanting to vomit or any of that other lovely hangover stuff.
We are gonna talk SOOOOOOO much shit and we're gonna be all 'we're so awesome' and then reminisce about all the stupid shit we did and then we're gonna be like,"'yeah, we are definitely the most awesome out of our respective graduating classes" (she was 3 grades behind me) and then laugh about how awesome we are some more and then we're gonna talk about how awesome Kaotix is (cos he is), and I think that should be a pretty good time. We'll probably get bored of it.
Okay, so the other night I was IMing Kaotix and he is a traitor and was surfing Myspace and he suddenly says to me 'OMG you're gonna fill your trunks, girl.' And I was like "oh shit...what's going on what happened? Who did what to the whoozit in the where in front of who?' And he links to me this myspace page and LO AND BEHOLD it was uber bitch of 1996 and I was like "NO FUCKING WAY DUDE. This is too much." This is the same girl I threw my room keys at on our Gettysburg trip and this is the same girl who I predicted would get knocked up before we got outta highschool and this is the same girl who wore the ugly blue bikini top with the ugly blue plaid shorts in the class picture I put up on my old blog and was a bitch on wheels and an attention whore and is still an attention whore, as deemed by Kaotix, she now claims to be bi, not that there is anything wrong with that, but she lives in Alabama now and she wants people to think she's SOOOO progressive. And I am politically correct and yelled in the IM "Didn't her shit get blown away last summer?" and Kaotix was all like, "OH NO YOU DIDN'T!" And I was all like "OH, I WENT THERE." And then I snapped a zed canadian style and went and did something else. BIAAAATCH!
And I also think that "Hooray beer!" (Red Stripe) succinctly sums up my love of hops and barley even though I am on a beer free streak right now, but that doesn't make me love it any less. And while that is a damn good catch phrase, "The Champagne of Beers" (Miller
People in fat suits doing gymnastics is fucking rad. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/09/2006 12:23:00 am | | |
Now hold onto your seats for this week's scintillating installment of a comic about a guy not everyone knows.
(click to get the big picture)| posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/07/2006 09:30:00 pm | | |
blarg! isnt the point of a mobile to answer it when you are not home!?
no, the point is to have it couched on the side of your face at all times, even if its not even activated or its a bad time to have it
especially while driving, despite thoughts to the contrary
i am going to have one surgically implanted
and then i am going to learn how to drive, but only barely
so i can swerve across highways and cut people off
and then give them the finger for driving like arseholes
you do realize though, that if you're doing the swerving in front of people, that
makes you an ass too?
but im on my cell phone so thatmakes me invincible | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/07/2006 05:58:00 pm | | |
I think it's dumb. A lot of people have accounts on both sites and the live happily. Now Buzznet users can't even host photos on their Myspace from Uzznetbay because the boss is having a tantrum.
Even though Myspace is clearly larger than Buzznet.
I think it's an immature thing to do...like something an older sibling would do to a younger sibling because they were in the same room as them. They're really not all that alike, but are similar, one just focuses more on different aspects of online communities.
I prefer Buzznet because it feels like it has more substance than Myspace. Less teenybop, more personality. A lot less paedo/stalker/creepy. Plus you can post an assload of pictures AND videos. Which I plan to do once I get home. Dammit I miss all my photo gear.
Did a little shopping online today, in search of a battery charger, which I found, along with cheap SD memory cards, an extra battery and a couple possibilities for a decent camera case. I might be able to get most of this stuff for under 70 USD. Hell yes! I'm really not sure what kind of camera bag to get though. I know I want it to be smallish, have a shoulder strap, have room for my extra battery and a couple memory cards and probably be black. Nothing flashy. Under 30 bucks.
I gotta gotta get this charger though, my battery crapped out and the weather is freaking stunning right now and I have most of a memory card to fill up before I go home.
Has anyone seen AN AMERICAN HAUNTING? I think I kinda wanna see it but I am horribly afraid of gory icky movies. The rating is only PG-13 so I think I would be okay. It's based on 'true events' which will probably scare the pants off of me, whick I am fine with, I just don't like to be horrified. I think I might actually leave the house to go see X3, as well.
But if I know me, I'll wait till it's out on DVD cos I am a lazy arse who doesn't like to pay $30 to watch a film. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/05/2006 08:35:00 pm | | |
Tonight I very nearly started throwing glassware around the house. All I wanted to do was update my freakin Buzznet and, like so many websites nowadays, it takes about a year to load. Not quite as long as my blog.
I finally told my dad about the wedding.
I was a little nervous about it, but the reaction I got wasn't what I expected. Just a big hug and he got really excited. *phew* Crisis averted.
It's almost surreal, yet not unwelcome to have people tell me that I seem happier and more content than I have in the past. Feels good to be told and to not have to tell. Fuckin awesome, actually.
My frigging nerves are still a little bit jangled from yesterday. Just a teeny bit, I hope it's building excitement and not that anxiety. Whatshisname's parcel of important papers are going to be here tomorrow or saturday and that is GOOD. Fuck yeah.
I know I should really grab this bull by the horns. It really gets in the way of things, though. My body gets completely out of whack and things go haywire and it makes it nearly impossible to go anywhere. I've managed, but having to be within sight of a toilet is aggravating. I much prefer riding it out at home, comfy and able to nap or something.
When I get back to Bangor, though, I have the distinct feeling that this will all go away.
The last time I got any bouts of anxiety was a few years ago when my ex husband was deployed for 9 months, leaving me to fend for myself, hang out, party hearty, get wasted like every day. Upon hearing when he was coming back, HO-LEE CHIT. I was a fucking wreck. I missed loads of work...I'd get all the way from Bremerton to Seattle on the ferry and I would get within blocks from work and not be able to make it. Had to get to comfort zone asap. It was awful.
I am sure it will all be okay when I get home. T'wouldn't do to be an anxious mess at our wedding!
Fred is doin okay, he's been eating more the past couple of days, and his foot isn't bleeding as much, although I did have to wash everything on my bed the other day, cos that's where he spends most of his time. Either there or out in the bed of poppies.
He's awfully thin, but he's truckin like a mofo.
And I think his purr is broken. It's just like, a fast snorty breath-y thing.
Okay, it's Law & Order time. (Maaaaaaaatloooooocccccck!) | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/05/2006 05:17:00 am | | |
Also, I am a retard and laid down in the back of Mum's minivan while she was working and there were no windows rolled down and I probably almost gave myself a heat stroke because I am the most retarded genius in the world. So I went into the house where Mum was helping a bunch of elderly folks clean out their late friend's house so they could have a household sale, and laid down on the bed upstairs that was exactly as the lady who used to live up there left it when she died. It was kinda chilly up there, even though I was originally super warm, I had to put my hoodie over me. I left my shoes on too, I hope she wasn't mad.
Oh, and I was supposed to babysit Dave's blog and I didn't. I hope it's not dead when I go check on it. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/04/2006 12:37:00 am | | |
*toilet flushing sound effect*
Yeah, so I was incredibly witty hours ago. Now, not so much. I am taking the week off and going 5 1/2 hours away with Mum to go see relatives I haven't seen in like 15 years and it's going to be weird, but that's okay, they're not the cousins that Mum and my uncle go on about sometimes.
I have no clue what I was pointing at, but they're all gonna laugh at you. Gimme cookie.
Wookit those widdle chubby cheekie-weekies!!!
I grew up.
Look at me. (Bask in my GLORY!)
Look how rebellious I was with my $20 leather jacket from Old Navy and my Old Navy gauchos and my Old Navy military style belt and my black t-shirt ALSO from Old Navy. (Hey, when ya get a discount...)
I look extra pleased in this photo because, unfortunately, it was taken right after my grandmother died (2003) and I was not getting along with my dad at that time and I happened to be at his house (like I am now, only I am more mature and I don't yell at him about all his super annoying noises and channel surfing during commercials and shit like that. Okay, only slightly more mature).
I am also a supermodel in my spare time and taking awesome pictures and being super mega hot all the time gets tiresome so I wasn't really trying. This is my best impersonation of Average Joe.
(I kinda miss that hair colour.)
posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/02/2006 02:18:00 am |