I guess creepie crawlie season just kicked in here, because last night, I was minding my own business and I got up to go get a 2am snack or something when lo and behold there was Spanky the Spider sitting in the middle of the living room floor waiting to jump my ass.
There he was, his hairy black ass was COMING for me, but he tried to play it off by acting all confuzzled when I stood up and turned around and then panicked silently. I only ever get attacked by these damn things when someone is sleeping and if I do happen to squeak/scream/holler someone is going to think some dude is down here with a hacksaw and I am getting turned into rack-of-Sarah, or on the other hand, I will get yelled at for waking them up.
Usually something ends up in a world of hurt, and thankfully it's not me. Fear + phone book = *phew*.
Aluminum baseball bats and hairspray also work quite well. Combined with an irrational fear of anything 8-legged it's a deadly mix. Sometimes the wall comes out alright, but the person (third) that I called begging to come kill the fat brown spidey that was plotting with the cat to scare the living hell out of me.
See, it all started when I came home from work all la-de-da and the cat was sitting on the floor like a good kitty and I reached down to give em a scrub on the head and like, 2 inches away was the evil brown bastard that I KNOW Was like "Hey, cat...watch this!" And the cat was like "Sweeet...this is gonna be sweet." And then I enter stage right and begin screaming upon sight of the bloody thing and danced away to call everyone I know and beg them to come and dispose of it.
Who the hell calls three people to kill a spider not much bigger than a quarter? A MANIAC, that's who.
So I call...and I beg...and I scream and I prolly deafen them in one ear as I go along...and I finally get to one of my girlfriends who lives just a few blocks away and she's like "DUDE. Kill it before it goes off and lays eggs." And I brandished bat and aerosol and bye-bye went the spider.
I'm still surprised to this day that I didn't hear myself screaming through her phone as she was holding the handset as far away from her head as she possibly could.
The story was funny in my head, but now just seems so utterly recockulous...
I can't wait to get the hell out of Western New York and back to the UK. It's not just the spiders here that are driving me nuts. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 4/13/2006 05:16:00 pm |
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There he was, his hairy black ass was COMING for me, but he tried to play it off by acting all confuzzled when I stood up and turned around and then panicked silently. I only ever get attacked by these damn things when someone is sleeping and if I do happen to squeak/scream/holler someone is going to think some dude is down here with a hacksaw and I am getting turned into rack-of-Sarah, or on the other hand, I will get yelled at for waking them up.
Usually something ends up in a world of hurt, and thankfully it's not me. Fear + phone book = *phew*.
Aluminum baseball bats and hairspray also work quite well. Combined with an irrational fear of anything 8-legged it's a deadly mix. Sometimes the wall comes out alright, but the person (third) that I called begging to come kill the fat brown spidey that was plotting with the cat to scare the living hell out of me.
See, it all started when I came home from work all la-de-da and the cat was sitting on the floor like a good kitty and I reached down to give em a scrub on the head and like, 2 inches away was the evil brown bastard that I KNOW Was like "Hey, cat...watch this!" And the cat was like "Sweeet...this is gonna be sweet." And then I enter stage right and begin screaming upon sight of the bloody thing and danced away to call everyone I know and beg them to come and dispose of it.
Who the hell calls three people to kill a spider not much bigger than a quarter? A MANIAC, that's who.
So I call...and I beg...and I scream and I prolly deafen them in one ear as I go along...and I finally get to one of my girlfriends who lives just a few blocks away and she's like "DUDE. Kill it before it goes off and lays eggs." And I brandished bat and aerosol and bye-bye went the spider.
I'm still surprised to this day that I didn't hear myself screaming through her phone as she was holding the handset as far away from her head as she possibly could.
The story was funny in my head, but now just seems so utterly recockulous...
I can't wait to get the hell out of Western New York and back to the UK. It's not just the spiders here that are driving me nuts. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 4/13/2006 05:16:00 pm |
