Letters of Nothing To Anybody


Almost home!

And by almost I mean at the mercy of the internet.

Damn you internet and your tendency to break when someone REALLY NEEDS TO USE IT!!!

And damn you for needing electricity and having the power go out so I can't use you for hours an leaving me to take a nap pinned under a cat when I could be surfing.

Damn you all to hell.

So yeah, the mailman heard I was gonna get all hillbilly on his ass if he didn't bring me my packet today so he brought it. Which is freakin sweet. But I was lookin forward to waitin out on the mailbox with a shotgun barefoot with overalls and pigtails and big ol jug of moonshine and a dog named Blue and a big ol chaw of tobbacky that I would spit on the hood of his mail car when he pulled up. Then I would adopt a cracker ass hee-haw hillbilly redneck accent extra special just for the occasion and ask him whaaaah he done took so durned laawng with mah mail. Then I'd take a huge swig of moonshine and play the spoons on my knee while Dueling Banjos played in the background magically.




My Hillbilly Name Is...



Ellie Mae Beaver


Hillbilly Name Generator


Then the Hatfields and the McCoys would feud for awhile and Jethro would sleep with his first cousin Clementine and old dog Blue would chase the mailman away and I would get my mail and we'd all be happy.




Then the power would go out for no reason other than it was raining and I would have a hissy fit cos those help and then take a nap then get up 5 minutes later because someone used the microwave and that was a clear sign for me to get back on the internet and find out the website I need is fucking with me.
| posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/12/2006 02:22:00 am |
|