So I was running from the kitchen to the computer chair again and my ankle gave out and I fell on my face and shook the entire house cos it's built out of sticks instead of bricks and holy goddamn my knees hurt. I just went down like a ton of bricks and it was awesome. It's still making me laugh and it was hours ago that it happened. I think I have impressions of the knee socks I have on branded onto my kneecaps now. I'm too lazy to look.Then after that, I grilled some MEAT which I am bad at because the MEAT burgers fell apart and a bunch fell onto the hot coals, but that's okay cos what was left was mighty tasty and that's all that matters. I'm gonna learn how to grill real good so I can cook outside when I get back home. MMHMMM.
I sent Mum a bunch of cards that I drew on MS paint today, but she isn't home so I can tell her in real life person Happy Mother's Day hope you like the cards especially the recreation of the drawing I did a long ass time ago when we had the old 40's fridge and it was painted sky blue with clouds on it cos it was apparently ugly before. That fridge was cool. I remember one time when I was like 8 I pulled yoghurt out of there and it was SOOO MOLDY it was like a purple swirl of DONT EAT THAT and for some reason that image in ingrained in my head.
Then there was time we were in the kitchen and it was summer out and we were bringing stuff in from eating outside and there was a paper towel roll on the counter and all of a sudden out the top this huge black spider came crawling out and Mum freaked the hell out and my dad had to squish it, and he did and he flushed it, so he said, but he really didn't, he left it floating in the toilet and I was the next person who used it after that and it's really hard to go to the bathroom when there is a big black smooshed creature in the bowl. I wasn't as scared of spiders then as I am now, so I had the brass buttons to flush it myself, but nowadays I have to get someone to rid the world of the beast for me.
Whatshisname doesn't like to kill stuff like that, he's my brave spider saver who catches em in a glass and takes them outside where I can't throw a phone book on top of them. He's my knight in shining armour and I think that it's sweet he lets the bugs live. He told me not to look the last time his dad caught a spider at his, that it was big, and then his dad rushed it outside and that was it.
I can watch shows about spiders all day, though. But this isn't about me, it's about Mum. We watched a show about spiders together one time and they showed this huge one that lives in the Amazon and eats small mammals and well, we were both pretty freaked out about that, but I guess it's no different than having a cat with 8 legs instead of 4 cos it eats pretty much the same thing except for Friskies.
Then like not long after that, cos she was visiting me in Bremerton, we were hanging out in the living room of the box the ex-bastard and I used to live in and out from under the sofa runs this big fat brown bastard of a spider and Mum leapt to the top of the couch and squealed and someone squooshed it into the carpet, but I don't remember who, but that thing was a fat little bastard.
Then there was the time, in March, actually when I had just gotten to NY and we were at the ShurFine and I had been drinking the night before and I took a vitamin and I passed wind (to put it mildly) and we were both like goddamn who died in your ass then I almost had an accident and I had to rush to the restroom at the store and I came out and Mum asked me real loud DIDJA SHIT YOUR PANTS? And I was mortified but it was fucking hysterical at the same time because I bet NOONE else's Mum has ever asked them that and really meant that you actually for real pooped in your pants instead of that 'I almost shit my pants' that people say when they are scared or shocked or something.
And then whenever I lean over and whisper to her that I have to use the loo, and we are around other people, she will announce to them that I am, in fact, going to the loo, cos noone around here calls it the loo and therefore it must be announced to the world that I need to have a BM or take a piss or something.
I am comfortable enough to talk to my Mum about bodily functions, and that is fucking rad. We get graphic too, and there is only one other person that I torture in depth about stuff like that, and that's Kaotix and he loves it and we laugh and laugh about poo and pee and then we eat. I try to have a little class around Whatshisname cos in reality I probably don't poop it's all a figment of my ass's imagination. I'm still mighty lowbrow, though.
There's a lot more I could say about Mum,
but really, this is the shit I love cos it makes me laugh and I don't feel like sharing anything else. She mine, biatches!Happy Mother's Day to ALL the moms though. | posted by Whatsername again....? @ 5/14/2006 11:14:00 pm |
